We can’t do everything. But surely, we can do something.
Fostering brings something to carers and their families that they can rarely imagine before opening their homes. While foster care changes the lives of the children and young people who enter care, it also has an undeniable impact on the households that welcome them in.
For biological children, it can build empathy and broaden their understanding of people whose experiences may be very different from their own. For carers, it can be a journey of growth and connection.
For James and Danni, fostering is a whole family commitment. Before taking on any placement, they include their five children in the decision, because they understand that every member of the household will be involved in making children feel safe and welcome.
Since becoming carers with CASPA in 2021, James and Danni have opened their home to children ranging from one to fifteen years old through respite and emergency care. Along the way, they have discovered that sometimes making a difference doesn't require changing your whole life. Sometimes it starts with simply saying yes to helping where you can.
Fostering had been on Danni’s heart for some time before they became carers. For James, the idea felt a little more daunting.
"We've got five biological kids ranging from 11 up to 21, so the house is always loud and full anyway," James laughs. "Initially, the thought of foster care was a bit overwhelming. We take our hats off to [fulltime] carers out there, who do such a fantastic job. We thought [maybe we couldn’t do that], but surely, we can do something.”
The couple decided to start with what they could give and signed up as a respite and emergency care household.
"We weren't sure how we would go with our capacity," Danni explains. "We thought if we could help care for kids on the holidays and weekends and give [fulltime] carers a break and [support them], that would be a really excellent thing to do.”
That simple decision has allowed them to support numerous children and young people over the past four years while also helping strengthen placements by giving full-time carers the opportunity to rest and recharge.
When James and Danni first started exploring foster care, they sat down with their children to talk about it.
"We were surprised by how positive they were, all five of them," Danni says.
Today, their children are an active part of the foster care journey. Whenever a placement request comes through, the family talks about it together. After placements, they discuss what went well, what was challenging and how everyone is feeling.
"[The kids] consider themselves part of the foster care journey too," says Danni. "We always consult them when we are asked to take on a placement. [They know] that if at any point it’s not working, they can [speak up] and that's okay."
Watching their children grow through the experience has been one of the unexpected rewards of becoming carers.
"It's totally developed their social skills," she says. “It’s been lovely to see the amazing ability they have to love the kids that come into our home.”
James agrees. "I've loved seeing our kids learn to be tolerant of other people's differences. And I love seeing them grow in empathy.”
Their youngest particularly enjoys having children younger than her visit. "She gets to be the one to take care of a little one,” James laughs. “She thrives on that like nothing else.”
Meanwhile, their eldest has developed an interest in pursuing social work after witnessing the impact foster care has had on both their family and the young people that have shared their home.
One of the things James and Danni love most about respite and emergency care is that every placement is different. With respite care, families often have advance notice and can prepare together.
"You’ve got the calendar in front of you, you know what's [happening] and you can book everything in advance," Danni explains. “There’s a lot of stability in that.”
Emergency care looks very different. Carers may be called on very short notice and asked to take on a placement for up to a couple of weeks.
“My first reaction is usually, 'Ah!'," jokes James.
Danni laughs in agreement. "Then we go ‘okay’, think about what we've got on, think about our room set up, whether we’ve got capacity, and ask our kids before [we accept a placement.]”
That flexibility has allowed them to support children and young people in moments when stability and safety are urgently needed.
"I really love emergency care," Danni says. "I just feel totally privileged to be able to help bring some peace and calm, to show them love [when things are uncertain]. It’s an amazing responsibility, and it’s really needed.”
Like many people considering foster care, James and Danni weren't entirely sure what to expect. One of their biggest surprises has been the level of support they have received.
"I think I thought feeling guilted into placements would be a part of the foster care experience," Danni admits.
"But actually, it’s felt the opposite for me. We’ll say ‘Oh, sorry we can’t do that.’ And the response is always “Don’t be sorry. We don’t want you to burn out.’”
That support has helped them continue fostering in a way that works for their family.
Along the way they've also undertaken extensive training, learning about trauma, culture and child development.
“I have grown as a person from all of the training," Danni reflects. "I knew I would learn some things, but I guess I didn’t realise it would benefit me so much. I have had massive growth in my own personal and professional development. There are a lot of perks to foster care that you don’t think of.”
James understands why many people hesitate.
"One of the things that kept me at bay was something you often hear, 'I couldn't do that because my heart would get too broken when we say goodbye.' Someone challenged me and said, 'It's not that [carers] don't get their hearts broken [it's that they're] courageous enough to have their hearts broken for the sake of those kids.'"
While fostering can be emotional, he believes the rewards far outweigh the challenges.
"We all know that things that are worth it are worth the challenge. These kids are worth it."
For anyone considering becoming a carer, his advice is simple.
"If you're wondering whether foster care might be for you, it probably is," he says. "And, just like us, if you don’t think you can do the whole big thing, start small. Start with respite.”
Respite care can be as little as two days a month, providing crucial support to children in care and the carers who support them every day.
For James and Danni, it started with a simple hope: we can't do everything, but surely, we can do something.
Years later, they have no regrets.
"The need is so great," says James. "If you can help, please do."
"I just think there's always more room at the table,” says Danni. “There's always more room in your life, in your heart."
Do you have an extra seat to offer at your table like James and Danni?