For Danni and Roxy, fostering wasn’t about fitting a mould. It was about expanding their family of love, resilience, and mutual support.
A quirky queer couple from the artsy rainforests of the Northern Rivers, Danni and Roxy may not be the first image that comes to mind when thinking of foster carers. With their tattoos, dark clothes, and Danni’s stylish walking stick, they don’t exactly fit the ‘traditional’ mould. But, as it turns out, they were exactly the carers a child – and her biological family – needed.
Danni and Roxy have always been deeply caring individuals, passionate about community, inclusion, and mutual aid. They are firm believers in the concept of ‘found family’ – the people you gather throughout life who love you not in spite of who you are, but because of it. “As we talked about our future together, we kept circling back to foster care,” says Danni. “We wanted to grow our found family and support children who needed it most.”
For them, having a child of their ‘own’ was never the goal. Instead, they wanted to care for a child in a way that would preserve and strengthen the ties with their biological family. They call themselves ‘community aunties,’ there to support the whole family, even after a child leaves their home.
When they started exploring foster care agencies, Danni and Roxy were apprehensive. “We were concerned that, as a gay couple, we might not be accepted by some agencies. I also have a dynamic disability that affects my movement, so I wasn’t sure if that would disqualify us,” Danni recalls. But their experience with CASPA was different from the start. “CASPA welcomed us wholeheartedly. They saw our differences not as barriers, but as strengths that could help us connect with children who might feel like they don’t fit in themselves.”
They initially began the process with another agency, but the experience felt slow and costly. CASPA, on the other hand, was responsive and supportive from the moment they reached out. “The onboarding was extensive, and while you can never be completely prepared, we felt equipped and understood. CASPA didn’t see my disability as a limitation but instead added it to the criteria to help us find the best placement for everyone involved.”
Waiting for their first placement was both exciting and nerve-wracking. “When we got the call, I rushed out to buy a car seat because she was too little for the hand-me-downs my sister had given us,” Danni says. “I stood in the shopping centre parking lot, stressed and sweating, struggling to install the car seat, but I was ready.”
From day one, Danni and Roxy made it clear they were there to support, not replace. They asked for ways to connect with her family straight away - photos, video calls, visits – they were determined to show they were allies for the family through this difficult journey. “The moment I held her,” Danni says, “I promised she would always have a place in our family but never lose the place in hers.”
Fostering is not the typical parenting journey. Danni and Roxy reflected that while it included many expected things – snuggles, first steps, daycare drop offs and snotty noses – there are unique challenges. Being a foster carer also includes making space for trauma and uncertainty. Like any parent, they chose to put parts of their life on hold so they could show up for her. But there were many unknowns involved, including how long she would be in their care.
The couple says fostering has been a profound lesson in duality and has made them stronger and more resilient in ways they never imagined. Danni says “foster care teaches you to hold two opposing emotions at once – anger and compassion, joy and loss, fear and hope. It forces you to let go of control, to focus on what truly matters. All the difficult moments are eclipsed by the joy of watching her thrive, seeing her family succeed, and knowing she’s safe and happy.”
After two and a half years as part of Danni and Roxy’s family, the little girl has returned home to hers. The couple continues to be part of her extended family, with frequent visits, shared recipes, and goodnight video calls. “I miss her every day, but she is where she’s meant to be,” Danni says. “We’re still here, a part of her life, watching her grow.”
Danni and Roxy emphasise that fostering goes beyond just providing a home; it’s about fostering the whole family, creating a safe, loving space that allows children to stay connected to their roots and their communities. They credit CASPA for creating a ‘parenting village’ around them with training, carer groups, and a dedicated support team. “Our caseworker was always there to offer advice, help us advocate, or simply listen,” Danni says. “You don’t have to be perfect or fit into a specific box to be a carer. CASPA gave us the tools we needed to be the carers this child and her family needed.”
For Danni and Roxy, fostering was made more challenging due to the lack of available respite carers. “Respite carers are absolutely vital,” Danni says. “They give full-time carers the time and space to fill their own cups so they can best support the children in their care. And, unfortunately, there are not nearly enough.”
Reflecting on their journey, Danni shares, “Fostering her was the hardest thing we’ve ever done. But we don’t regret a single second of it, because it was also the most rewarding. We will always be a family home away from home for her, whenever she may need it.”
Are you interested in becoming a respite carer? CASPA welcomes diverse carers from all walks of life. Whether you’re looking to provide full-time care or a home-away-from-home for young people needing short-term support, you can make a difference.
